Conformity

Life is a series of deaths and awakenings. The dying and rebirth cycles are evidence of progress. It's something I've learned to enjoy.

My father died a little over a 2 months ago. Life was a dark time then. I took a hiatus from life to be with my dying father. Although the last few months of my father's life were the most intimate we shared, they were also the moments that aptly exposed how distant of a relationship we had.

His death bookended the dark age of my life. From my mother's death to my father's I had been in arrested development. This stagnant period stemmed from my inability to understand why my father was so cold to me. Cold on a deep mind-fuck level.

He never told me why. But my curious sister found the letters that explained it all. Reading those letters and realizing how little I mattered to my father was hard to digest, but it explained everything and confirmed that I was not crazy, as I had been lead to believe. That was a relief.

I should be picking up scattered pieces, but I find myself completely intact. I'm in shock.

It is like learning to walk all over again. Nothing but my own caution is holding me back.

There is strength in not conforming. It's unconventional. Its like the tree that bends in the wind, it appears weak and lowly, but it persists as the more rigid trees are broken around it. It's branches reach to the sun and not the saplings around it.

Every tree stands on its own. All that matters is the beliefs its rooted in.

Refusing to conform is harsh way to describe being true to yourself. Live an honest life. It may mean getting used to solitude, but you'll never have to wake up and realize your entire existence is a lie.

Suffer

I am in the process of reading the Yoga Sutras and that fantastic piece of work has provided many answers for me.

Everything is going according to plan.

Show and prove!

When Enough is Enough

Is it proper to risk love? Should one gamble the most important thing in their life for the sake of fulfilling some foggy and vague destiny?

Is it honorable to limit yourself because of your lover's fear? Do you decline to move forward with your abilities because the one you walk with cannot carry the burden? Do you still lag behind even though you could carry said burden for the both of you, but they don't believe you?

Are love and belief in ea packaged deal, or are they separate?

Is a loved one supposed to make your relationship and your dream incompatible?

What if someone you love insists and hopes with tears in their eyes that you be something you're not?

What if you played it safe and never once did something irresponsible yet at the first mention of you taking a risk you're treated as if you turning your back on your entire family?

Is it a problem if your spouse insists that you continue doing what clearly makes you miserable?

What do you do if every time you go out on a limb, the person closest to you leaves you in the cold?

Are mere things worth dying for?

If only the slim possibility of losing "things" is enough to strain your relationship, can you honestly say you have a strong relationship?

If your significant other loses civility during every hardship your relationship encounters... what is to be made of that?

Does your wife really love you when they consider you an asshole every day and only appreciate you when other women point out how good of a guy you are?

If someone will let anything come between yourself and love, do they really love you?

Do you not go ahead with what you feel you must do because you know the one you're with will give up? Is there honor in that. Is this the quiet Tao equivalent of water settling at the lowest point?

Does love mean forgetting about reaching the summit and instead settling in the valley?

Is my love not pure because I obviously expect some type of support in return, some belief in my talents. Isn't true love an abandonment of self?

I gave up on my dreams for love. Now my dreams haunt me. What am I to make of this?

I don't know.

I've always preferred solitude, but now I have questions. Is there anyone that can answer them?

There is an inherent doubt to each question.

Yet questions are the preface to all human knowledge and certainty.

What a fucking cool paradox!

The Power of Mind

• I wanted to share with you an e-mail conversation I had with one of my friends. He had mentioned he was beginning the P90X workout regimen. I could not do that workout without having a heart attack. My friend has spent the past two years doing nothing. He eats like a starving horse, drinks heavily, and has done little to no exercise. With all that, he still is in tip top shape. I had asked him, more as a joke than anything else, what was his secret. He responded by telling me that although he is in essence a couch potato, he thinks that everything he does, including just sitting there, is beneficial to his body and that it keeps him in shape. In essence, all he does is think that he is in shape and that becomes his reality.

• He also referenced a study that was done in England on two floors of a business building. The people on each floor had the same jobs but one floor was told that their job was beneficial to their health, while the other was told their job was bad for their health. After two years the floor that was told their job was beneficial experienced sharp increases in their overall health. Ailments and illnesses went away, pounds were dropped, attitudes were improved, and calling in sick became obsolete. The people that were told that their jobs were bad for their health experienced sharp decreases in their overall health. They gained weight, acquired illnesses, became depressed, and sick days skyrocketed. I had seen this study, or one similar to it, covered in a documentary I watched, so I was familiar with it. But it wasn’t until my friend referenced it that the significance of its findings really hit home with me. The power of the mind!

• Here is my response and a summary of the realization his fairly straightforward e-mail inspired in me:

That’s cool. The power of the mind. I saw that documentary that covered that study about people and their jobs. Very interesting.

• Check this out: After you sent me your explanation of using your mind to keep yourself in shape, I received similar messages throughout the course of the day. Right after I read your e-mail I opened my work e-mail and had a message from the Napoleon Hill Foundation (author of the Law of Success). The message was about “The FlexBrain Method”, a system of neurobic exercises that stimulate your brain. It states by doing this exercises you can rid your life of stress, build muscle strength without ever moving a muscle, improve your learning, and prevent memory loss. The message was in harmony with what you were stating to me: use your brain to create the results you want.

• I also read a passage from “The Art of Living” that stated the Good Life is the Life of Inner Serenity. The passage then goes on to state that a good life cannot be accomplished with destructive thoughts. One must let go of those thoughts and instead latch on to positive thinking patterns. The positivity of the mind will translate to positive effects in one’s life. Once again, a message aligned with what you said.

• Third, I read a section from the book “A Course In Miracles” that parallels your message. The book is quite remarkable though somewhat laborious to read (even for me). However, the book has really opened my eyes and taking my learning to a whole different level. The passage I read was entitled “The Justice of God” and it went a little something like this (at least in my interpretation of it):

1. Christ is a consciousness inside of us. It is not a body.

2. We ourselves our consciousness, not bodies. Perceiving ourselves as only bodies severely limits our ability.

3. Bodies die and thus harbor death. What gives life cannot be housed in death.

4. We are not bodies but minds. Minds are eternal while bodies are temporary. If you believe you are a body you will perish. If you believe you are a mind/spirit you will prosper eternally.

5. Bodies are an illusion. We all feel separated from God because bodies give off the illusion that we are separate. Instead of knowing we are all one within the framework of God, we feel isolated in our body, and since we identify with it instead of our mind we feel alone and fearful. We thus develop egos that constantly attack others to make ourselves feel secure. We seek to have more than others, we measure all of our success against the success of others.

6. When we let go of our faith in our body and put it in Christ (mind/spirit) the importance of our body takes a backseat to our minds. The body has no purpose save for what our mind gives it. Look at physical death, when the mind/spirit leaves the body, the body decays it has no purpose any longer without the mind.

7. The flaw of religion is that it limits Christ (mind/spirit) to a single man, whether that be Jesus, The Buddha, Zoroaster, Mithra, Muhammad, Krishna, etc. The reason why people still suffer despite the aid of religion is because they project their faith onto a body, a man on the cross. Instead of the spirit which is shared amongst everyone and not exclusive to a separate Lord.

8. Jesus and many sages of history have all said, “The Kingdom of God is inside you.” Christ is in all of us, yet we are looking for Christ outside of ourselves and therefore we never find it. Until we look into ourselves we will never have union with the One power of the universe.

9. The son of man is not Christ. The body of Christ holds not meaning and is nothing holy. The carcass that perished on the cross is nothing sacred. The biggest fallacy of Christianity is the worship of Christ on the cross. Christ was not on the cross; a body was on the cross. Christianity focuses on the crucifixion instead of the resurrection. It is through the resurrection that Christ conquered death. Christ did not resurrect in a body, he resurrected and lived on in mind/spirit. The Son of God is not a body; the Son of God is a mind/spirit. His resurrection showed that death is nothing to fear, as through it we experience true liberation and continue our immortal lives.

10. Sickness and death persist because we think of ourselves as bodies. We will suffer and die as long as we continue to hold the body as paramount over the mind/spirit. The body is not of divine nature it is of physical/animal nature. Think of it, our DNA is only slightly different from Chimps. Are we more evolved monkeys or Sons of God? Which one would you rather believe?

11. The message of Christ and all the sages can be summarized as such: We are all one. Death and separation from each other and God are nothing more than illusions. Belief in mind and union will set us free. If we are all one and death does not exist how is it that we can be harmed? It is not possible.

12. If you believe you cannot be harmed and cannot die. What will prevent you from carrying out your divine purpose? Belief in mind/spirit frees you to accomplish all you are meant to do. And everything you want can be had when you seek reunion with God and all his creations. This why Jesus stated seek God first and then everything else you desire will follow.

13. We are all one. If we were all independent consciousness we would be unconscious of each other. How is that we all see the same tree, the same cubicle, the same car, the same images of bodies? It is because we share the Christ consciousness. If my consciousness is separate from yours, how would I even know you existed? It is not possible. If we were separate consciousnesses we would be unconscious of each other, as your consciousness would not be a part of mine. One cannot acknowledge something they are unconscious of.

The Road to Salvation

• The harshest critic of your life is yourself. You know your deepest and darkest thoughts. Nothing you do is hidden from yourself. You know the truth about every lie you ever told. You are haunted by every secret you try to keep. You’ve thought, said, and done things you are not proud about. You struggle with this daily and dread the idea of your darkest moments coming to light.

• You know you are guilty and you carry this burden with you in secret. You cast judgment on yourself and wish your self-inflicted punishment was a matter of public record. Out of shame you keep it private. If you cannot forgive yourself, you know nobody else will. With this knowledge you shackle yourself to regret, put on your best smile and hope the worst is behind you. And you’re right. It is, because it follows you.

• Freedom is found through salvation. Salvation is redemption, a second chance, and it can only be gotten through forgiveness. If you refuse to forgive yourself for your failures or your sins, you’re damning yourself. If you refuse to forgive yourself, the entire world could shower you with mercy and it would do no good. For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. And as long as you carry around a guilty-conscience, no amount of forgiveness will exonerate you.

• You may be a person that seeks salvation through religion. Or you may not. Regardless, a wise man once said that the kingdom of heaven is within you. He was right. Within yourself you will find true forgiveness, and when you do you will become free from your sins.

• All roads lead to the truth, and the truth is the only salvation. Some roads are paved with gold while others are trodden earth. Some are lined with synagogues, temples, and churches while others pass through universities, business districts, and coffee houses. Some come with gods as guides while others are meant to be traveled alone. Whatever path you choose to take, remember one thing: the road to salvation begins right where you stand. The first step is to forgive yourself.

Start a Movement

• In the above video with help from some surprising footage, Derek Sivers explains how movements really get started. I decided to analyze Sivers’s assessment of creating a movement and apply it to everyday life. Life consists of bodies in motion. Instead of experiencing life as a series of random events, what would happen if we considered our lives as movements?

• A leader needs the guts to stand out and be ridiculed. We all have dreams. We spend our childhood scribbling with crayons, dancing, writing, singing, playing the piano, and taking pictures. At some point we decide we are going to be great. Mediocrity is safe. Greatness is dangerous. In order to become a leading artist, dancer, singer, writer, pianist, or photographer we must have the guts to put out our work and face criticism. Many people refrain from sharing their joy with world out of fear of being judged. We need to understand that the only judgment that matters is our own. Living for the approval of society will lead to unhappiness. We need to resist the urge of giving in to an existence of quiet desperation and fight for the opportunity to live a life full of laughter. To do this we must lead our lives with a decisive decision or action. This takes courage, because once we decide to go beyond being average we immediately are considered ‘mad’. We have to endure this. While everyone else looks at us as delusional dreamers, we believe in ourselves when no one else does. We endure the doubts of others, and find beauty in our progress when everyone else thinks we’re proceeding in vain.

• The first follower is crucial; he will show everyone else how to follow. Making a decision to pursue our dream is only the beginning. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Then another, and another. Far too often we make bold proclamations only to wind up looking like fools. We have to understand that once we take a decisive step toward our goal, we must follow it up with another decisive action. We will do this ad nauseum until we reach our final destination. When we fail, we do one thing then become impatient when we don’t see immediate results. We commit to the big picture while ignoring the details. We announce to the heavens our intention to ascend, then drop our heads and look down, despising the current place we occupy. We take the first step, then lose our focus and stumble on the second step, before falling on the third. Then we quit and crawl around like desperate animals trying to pick up the pieces of our broken lives.

• The first follower is an underestimated leader. Just declaring you’re going to be great is not an accomplishment. You need to follow-up that statement with action. Otherwise your just talk. Following positive action with positive action will lead to positive results. What we do after deciding to be great is what will make or break us.

• The first follower is what transforms a lone nut into a leader. Once you take continuous decisive action toward your goal, people will begin to take you serious. You will no longer be looked at as a lunatic. Instead of having you committed, people will admire your commitment. Lead your life with decisive action and people will get behind you and offer their support.

• Nurture your initial followers as equals. The second step is just as important as the first and so on. We have a tendency to overvalue the beginning and the end of a quest, but what makes the story is everything that happens in between those two points. The rough draft is an important stepping stone that will get us to our final manuscript. We have to set the camera’s settings, adjust the light, and determine our angle before we take the picture and head off to the dark room. All this is done before our glossy image appears on the cover of a magazine. Every point of the process is important. In life, all things are sacred. Even the grunt work.

• It’s not about the leader anymore, it’s about the movement. Once we build up momentum we must let go of our goal. By this I mean we must focus on the process not the result. This doesn’t mean we give up on our desired effect. Not at all. Imagine you’re building a house; you created a blueprint and are ready to build. At some point you need to put down the blue print and pick up a hammer and nails, else the house never be built. Once you’ve decided what you want to do, do it. Transition from a life of wanting to act, to a life of action. After you have developed a plan and taken decisive action, you must have faith that you will be successful. When a builder lays the first stone, his work hardly resembles a completed structure, but by continuing his work, by continuing his movement, by taking action, he will accomplish his goal.

• The third follower makes a crowd. By continuing our journey and following positive action with positive action then we should start seeing results. The effects of our positive causes will start to accumulate. This is when we start experiencing success.

• A movement must be public. We have to share our dreams with the world. When we do we start to be recognized as a great artist, dancer, photographer, writer, etc. If we do not share the fruits of our labor, we will feel lonely and bitter. To reach fulfillment at some point we must step out of the shadows into the light. To be a great performer, at some point you must get on the stage.

• The new followers follow the first follower, not the leader. Build on your success. Atrophy sets in when movement stops. Many reach the precipice of life only to experience a mighty fall. Once you reach a goal, set another goal. Always provide yourself with a source of motivation. Otherwise, you’ll fall into apathy and lose everything you gained. Complacency will murder any future success.

PURE, BEAUTIFUL AND SIMPLE

• Think serene thoughts.

• Forgive those who hurt you.

• Overcome animosity with love.

• Live each moment in the context of death.

• Be moderate in eating and activity.

• Be honest and control your emotions and desires.

• Carry out good deeds and find bliss.

• Keep silent; let your good deeds speak for you.

• Seek to control only your thoughts and actions; this is the path of freedom.